by Bryan Lee

My family moved to Utah for 18 months...more than nine years ago. When Melanie and I arrived with our 6-month-old twin boys, Utah was to be a stepping stone on our journey. We came to help a friend plant a church, then move on to our next step. But that didn’t work out. So we made new plans to leave Utah three to five years later. That didn’t work out either, and we’re still here. The more we planned to leave, the longer we ended up staying. Don’t get me wrong, Utah’s a pretty great place to live. The people are nice, the landscape is beautiful, and this state is all my kids know. We have so many good friends here, and so many memories. Why have we spent so much time wanting to leave?

To be clear, it isn’t that we didn’t like Utah, but if we couldn’t do what we’d set out to do, Melanie and I wanted to be near  family. When God changes our plans, it is hard for many of us to admit that he is very powerful and we are not, so we spend a lot of time trying to wriggle ourselves out of his grip. Oftentimes he does things that are the opposite of what we want, and that can be pretty aggravating. All of the time, forever and always, no matter what, without any exceptions, he always gets his way. We can’t escape it. And since we can’t escape it, we complain that we had better plans for ourselves, but God kept getting in our way. 

But that is also a wonderful truth — the best truth, in fact: All of the time, forever and always, no matter what, without any exceptions, he always gets his way. We cannot escape it...and that is the best possible thing for us. 

“You saw me before I was born,” the Psalmist says. “Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed” (Psalm 139:16 NLT). God knows our words before we think them (139:4). He is everywhere; we can’t escape him (139:7-12). And because of this, he is worthy of all of our worship. 

Still, you might ask yourself, as I have: If God always gets his way, how am I supposed to know what he wants me to do? Should I wait for him to tell me? Should I stay where I am? Should I look for a new job? If he keeps thwarting my plans, should I stop making plans? Does he just want me to do things that I don’t want to do?

While sometimes we may have to do the things we don’t want to, most of our lives are not going to play out that way. Still, perhaps you’ve been around people who always seem to know exactly what God wants them to do. Some even say, “I asked God what I should do, and he told me…” Perhaps they don’t claim to hear the literal voice of God, but they might say they had such a strong and warm feeling that it had to  be from God. They might also tell you that you need to just pray until God speaks to you, or gives you a warm and strong feeling, an absolute conviction. Now, it’s possible that this is what it means for God to speak to us; however, as one of my friends likes to point out, it’s possible your warm feeling is just last night’s bad pizza.

Most Christians will never hear the voice of God. Many of us will never have a strong inclination that God wants us to do a particular thing. If that frustrates you, like it has me, then this is my advice: Worship God. Pray to him. Sing to him. Read his Word. Get advice from other people you trust. Then, as long as you don’t contradict his Word, do whatever you most want to do. If you don’t know what you want, pick something, because you can trust that God already has things laid out for you. The Psalmist says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). This does not mean that you’ll always get your way, but it does mean that you will always get what is best for you. And the more you trust in him, the more your desires will align with his plan. To quote one of my mentors: Go until God stops you. 

Why would I mention these things in the JVC newsletter? Sometime this year, unless God stops us, my family will leave Utah for Texas. We’re not sure exactly when we’ll be leaving. Our reasons for leaving are simple enough: work and family. There are also plenty of reasons that we don’t want to move: We don’t want to have to meet a group of new friends. We’re nervous about putting forth the effort to plug into a new community. God has kept us here for long enough that leaving feels like tearing away a piece of us. While our desire to be nearer family and closer to work might be greater than our desire to stay, it doesn’t make moving any easier.

We don’t have an official date yet (probably sometime this fall), because there are still many things to work out, but we don’t want the process to drag out too long. There are many things that are not in our control, so we’ll go until God stops us. We’ll be grateful for whatever time we have left here, however long that is. We’re thankful for all of you. We’re thankful for how God has used you to draw us closer to him. We’re thankful for how you’ve cared for us over the past 5+ years we’ve been at JVC. We cherish the friendships that Melanie and I and our kids have developed. I’m personally grateful that you’ve helped me foster my own gifts in ministry, tolerated my quirks, and encouraged me, even when you didn’t know it. 

As a final word to those of you who feel like me — who feel out of place; who feel like you don’t know what God wants you to do; who feel like your plans are ill-timed and ill-executed; who regret that you can’t be more like the people around you when they finish more every week than you finish every year — let me encourage you with this: Your insecurity, indecision, inability, and absolute incompleteness do not prevent God from using you. God is not constantly considering how you’ve failed to live up to his standards. He does not have the same pain of regret for your life that you have. Jesus doesn’t regret giving his life in exchange for yours. Your choices up until now have not disrupted his plan. You can delight him, because he delights in you. There are probably a lot more people thankful for you than you realize.

Thanks for being a part of God’s plan for my life and my family’s, even if you didn’t know it. 

Love,

Pastor Bryan (with Melanie, Oliver, Amos, and Isaiah)